Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in the studio in Cardiff with　Mr. Chris Corcoran. もし君がこれを聴いているなら、君はロッド・ギルバーツ・ベスト・ビッツを聴いているということだ。ロッド・ギルバーツ・ベスト・ビッツ ... それは、ロッド・ギルバートのベストなビッツ。毎週土曜日朝の生放送から使える部分を拾い集めたスグレモノだ。

Today's the Christmas show, we've decided. 今日はクリスマス特集ね。決めた。Right? What we mean by that is __ __ __ __. That's it. Done. Bzzzzz. Out. Uh, this is what prompted it. This is in Daily Mirror today. Right? / the headline: "Teacher; No Santa, Kids" 「教師が子供に "サンタなんていないよ" と言う」 / It's a pretty awful headline. I'll have to explain the story, I think. 見出しだけ見ると極道だが、今から説明するから。/ Um ... a teacher ..." This is what prompted our Christmas show / yeah / normally associated with doing good things for kids / from me / work experience / anything bad about teachers おれはワーク・エクスペリエンスで先生をやったことがあるから、先生一般について悪く言うつもりはない。 / coming / No, no no, not really. No. Uh, this is no reflection on the, uh ... no reflection on the profession / no broader statement about teaching. This is ... this is simply ... well, simply, perhaps, taking the teacher to __ one idividual ... / OK. / ... for one specific thing. / Huh huh. / wonderful teacher / he / she / it / blasted by parents." / Wow. / it's parents / in the wrong / what way / I don't know. Some kind of sand-blaster / find out now. 今読んでやる。 / A tea... oh, no. __ vocally. / Oh, OK. なーんだ。よかった。 / teacher / blasted by parents / after he told junior school pupils Santa does not exist. 保護者たちは、子供たちの前で「サンタなんていないよ」と発言した教師を糾弾した。/ rightly so / claim / aged 8 and 9 wrote letters to Father Christmas よいこのみなさんがサンタさんへのお手紙を書き終わったところで / Good grief. 何てこった。 / "A parent said ..." ... I presume / must / blasting ... "This teacher upset children." 「この教師は子どもたちの心を傷つけた」 / now that / reporter / directly at the teacher / Simon O'__ / head of Christchurch Junior School クライストチャーチ小学校の校長によれば、その教師は謝罪したという。 / very well / apologize / too late. もう遅いよ。The horse is bolted. / A Christmas spokesman ... / is bolted / christmas spokesman / look, "A Christmas spokesman said ..." / Well, presumably, Father Christmas / I know, but / right to reply, surely. / Christmas spokesman said / exist / bacause / Farther / maybe / an elf / who is / who is a Chrismas spokesman? / Well, let's think this through. 落ち着いて候補を列挙してみようよ。/ It could be Farther Christmas, サンタかも知れない。/ Yeah? / Jesus, イエス・キリストかな。/ Huh ... / uh ... an elf, / yeah, / a reindeer ... / I do like the idea that Jesus is the Christmas spokesman イエス・キリストだったらいいな。/ snowman / ladies and gentlemen, our next speaker up / talk about Christmas / Jesus Christ ! / Yeeeaaah ! 「皆様お待ちかね、イエス・キリストさんがクリスマスの話をしてくださいます。イエスさん、どうぞ！」/ "Born as I was ..." 「あー、ありがとう。ありがとう。えー、私は、まあ、自分がキリストなもんですから ...」/ can I just get a few things straight? ちょっといいかな？ / I was in a __, I was __ __ __, and Santa does exist / Who is a spokesman spokesman? クリスマス・スポークスマンって誰？ / well, ... well ... any of those we've suggested / great job, innit? いい仕事だ。/ great job / that / I think / do you know what? I __ represent Christmas all year round. / "A Christmas spokesman said, "Of course Santa exists." 「もちろん、サンタは実在しますよ」と、クリスマス・スポークスマンは語っている。 / A christmas spokesman ! / To be fair, if you are a Christmas spokesman, you, kind of, __ __ that line. ... __ __ three / three-line weapon / saying "Santa does exist." / 殺し文句だな。 / Christmas Office / there's no question / lose your job / didn't / though? / Well, presumably. / a christmas spokesman ... / waste. They could cut that. They could cut that department. 税金の無駄遣いだ。事業仕分けで廃止すべきだ。/ well, / could / Christmas spokesman said, "Of course Santa exists. This teacher is now going on Santa's Naughty list." もちろん、サンタはいる。この教師の名はサンタの「悪い子リスト」に書き加えられた。/ rightly so 当然だ。 / Look out, teacher. / We would just like to confirm / BBC Radio Wales / Rhod Gilbert / If you are listening, kids, of couse Santa exists / 子どもたちよ、きいてくれ。もちろんサンタはいる。/ and this teacher / just / silly mistake / Grow up. Grow up, teacher. この教師にはもっと大人になれといいたい。/ just / teachers / humans ... adults do make mistakes sometimes, and this teacher has just made / say stuff like that, you've gotta back it up with some evidence 自説を裏付ける証拠を準備してから発言すべきだ。/ let's have some evidence / Santa does exist. サンタは実在するという証拠を挙げていこうじゃないか。/ ... I saw Santa once. サンタを見たことあるもん。/ There we go. That will do, ladies and gentlemen. / 決定的証拠だ。解決。

It's Christmas day, today, on, uh ... this show, uh ... / Happy Christmas. / because some teacher __ __ made a little mistake / told kids / class / no Santa / we have firmly, firmly rejected that / firm __ has been made on the Rhod Gilbert show. Korky even said he's seen Father Christmas. / I have. / a few years ago / listening / child / out there, kids, I'm telling you, that Father Christmas does exist. はっきり言っておく。サンタはいるのだ。 / so / interesting / innit? / settling kids' heads, just letting / settling my head / I'm not sure where we ... / Korky's seen Father Christmas コーキーはサンタを見た。 / Let me know if you've got ... let us know ... today, we / evidence / let us know / exists / pass it on to the kids. Right? / children / future. That's what I believe in, anyway / somewhere / well, they are, literally, aren't they? There's not much / statement / is it / I suppose they are / you know, just / basis of / age. / one / future / something moch more ... much less tangible / much more 人がさ、「未来のために」と言うときは、「未来」の意味が曖昧だろ。具体的にイメージできないというか。/ much more of a ... I don't know ... / much harder concept to grasp / future / children / can / over / what / no it isn't, but / works / future holds / kids / oh, yeah, right. It's / not what they mean / you know / people. Kids are the future, in a way, but / just part of it / I'm just saying / it isn't very Christmassy クリスマスにふさわしくない話になってきたぞ。/ Happy Christmas. / that's better. We are back on track. 話を戻せてうれしい。 / practical / Korky's seen Father Christmas / I saw his w__y / where / you / my bedroom / present__ down / I was half asleep / leaving the room / I mean, it was massive / why did you only see his w__? / peeping out / sort of / afraid / present / away / under the duvet / I was asleep / were you asleep or not? 眠ってたと言ったじゃないか。/ Well, I was pretending ... I was pretending to be asleep all night だからさ、眠っているフリをしていたんだよ。一晩中。/ Santa came in / I didn't look because / takes the presents away / under / peeping out / this is all on audio at the moment / hearing stuff その段階では、見たわけではないな？ 音だけで判断したんだな？ / yeah / right / Santa comes / stage / see / heard him coming / wrapping paper / Santa / was the clue / he came in / door / chim__ny / that's a really good clue / in fact ... in fact, you could do / do that in some of your Christmas games / just / go / my turn, my turn, my turn ... ボクの番、ボクの番、ボクの番 ... / ... / Who's this? カサカサカサ ... これは誰？/ Santa ! サンタ！/ Got it. 当たり。 / my go / Oh, heck. Sit down, your go __ __ ... / OK. So, you are under cover / rustling / ohh ohh, Santa's in the room / still / have a look / away / between the sound of / wrapping paper / going / distance / was a big room / Plus, once he / presents down / else / what / what was he doing? / He had a few ... he was running ahead of schedule 予定より早めに片付いた / you assumed, once the presents / he would leave つまり、プレゼントを置いたら、サンタはすぐ帰ると思ったんだな？ / downstairs / mince__ pie / right / after / job done / So, he's on his way out / just / on his way out / have a look at / this would be / story / going to tell at school あとで学校で話せば注目を集めると思って。/ little peep / door / that stage / all I see is this massive, like, really massive w__y, like / giant slippers you get / behind / __novation / that fast 履き捨てていったのか？/ you said / heading out the door / headed / door / but / foot / still inside / I caught the split second / no no, no / floats / beautifully / a lot of bedroom doors / Christmas Eve / how did / only / he's really good at it. ... Well, because I ... uh ... __ I wasn't brave enough to look up __ / then / just caught his w__ leaving the room / At this, ... at this stage, that was the best story we've got / yeah / Santa does exist / but I think / fairly conclusive / kids / And then, in the morning それで、朝が来ると ... / there is more. Hang on 続きがあんのかよ。/ drunk / pie / carrot was half-eaten. / Half-eaten? 食いさし？ / Yeah. / lot of carrots / ルドルフ / on a Christmas Eve. / He does / no rabbit anyway.

This may be laugh. Talking of what is Christmas and what is not Christmas / what items are essential to make / Christmas-make? ... Right? / wait a minute. Let me tell you / Oh, OK. / Christmas, according to ALDI in the newspaper / shall I guess it? 当ててやる。 / makes / in your eyes / What is the essential Christmas things? クリスマスに絶対に欠かすことのできないものは何だ？ / I've got a few ideas. / Right. Go / B__ / Yeah. / wrapping paper / Yeah / trees / Yeah. ... What if I told you ... / huh, / ... that none of those things / need / that's ridiculous. Well, hang on, / there / not in there / no / this is a ... this is an advert selling all you need for Christmas / crackers / they've gotta be in there / crackers / are essential / they've gotta be in there / essential　クラッカーはその中に入っているはずだ。クラッカーは欠かせない。 / like a worst ... this is like / of Family Fortune / ever seen / T__ / Tree. Christmas tree. / ____ / Christmas crackers? / __ __ / absurd / Come on, B__ / did / Father Christmas? / __ __, no / Jesus? / no / Christmas hat / No. Afraid not. Afraid not. / OK. Cliff Richard? / Christmas hat? __ __ / I mean / laterally thinking / Christmas albums / say / yeah / music / get a grip いいかげんにしろ。/ keep guessing if you want / guess it / keep guessing. If you guess / 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 / come on, you've got / ALDI / Christmas / No. ... Shall I tell you? ブー。... 降参か？ / well, I'm infuriated. すっげー腹立つ。/ All you need for Christmas ... the big Christmas sale starts now, is ... a Christmas C__ クリスマス・サボテン ... a reindeer planter premium gift basket ... a stainless-steel buffet server ... and a 76 milimiter National Geographic telescope. ... Merry Christmas, everyone."

Let's keep Christmas going. It's Christmas show./ Yeah. Keep it running throughout the show. / We keep it running / inundated / people / evidence of Santa yet / リスナーから、証拠がどんどん届いている。 / let me have a look / one / Father Christmas does exist. He sat in the X-ray department in N__ __ __ Hospital サンタはいます。病院でレントゲンを受けているのを見ました。/ There you go, kids. Huh? Merrry Christmas. 子どもたちよ、きいてくれたね？ / Evidence 2. / Yeah. He might not be well, but he exists. / Yeah. / don't worry / whatever it is / update us on the condition of, uh ... of Father Christmas / x-ray, I'm sure / great care at __ __ hospital, and I'm sure / out / probably, you know, it's not easy traveling entire world and give presents / 世界中をプレゼントを配りながら旅するのは大変なことなんだ。 / you're bound to ... / a little fall / icy conditions / that's what / back / up and about in no time. 人ん家の屋根から出たり入ったりしてるうちに、たまには落っこちたりすることも。でもすぐ元気になるよ。 / before he embarks / quest / on TV / that's what / either / all right / blame / yeah / now / story / Did you slide off a roof? / 保険屋ならこう言うよ：「屋根を滑り降りましたか？ 降りませんでしたか？」 / excuse me ... uh ... triple __ reindeer. ... Anyway, I was in J__ / Nice. / my show / as you know / live show / called / man / flaming / tatoo / obviously people come to the show and / right / that happened roughly 300 times それが約 300 回あった。/ but they are, always always always, obviously, shop-made / box / do you know what I mean / shop-produced 全部、明らかに、どこかの店から買ってきたものだった。/ I had a little plastic tapper-ware box delivered to the gig / home-made b__ delivered 手作りの __ ケーキが届いたんだ。/ right / somebody / b__ cake / there was a little note / which says this: ... / I'll read this 読んでやるから聞け。 / home-made / my small cake business supplies cakes / we are the only one / I know the story / b__ tatoos / probably / b__ cakes / good point, yeah. "If you want to try more cakes / pop in / I won't promote it, right / C__'s Cafe, Castle Q__y on the Waterfront. Other cake shops are available / this one, they made me this cake, right? / recommend it, right? おれは食べたわけじゃないからな。だから、特に推奨するということではない。Now / there we are / I'm sure my daughter / do like / have a good night / show / able to get tickets / to the gig / sent along a home-made b__ cake in a tapper-ware box for me, to the gig / what a lovely, lovely, lovely gesture ! 何と暖かい心遣いではあるまいか。/ sting in the tale どうせその話は、それで終わりじゃないだろう？/ there is a slight sting in the tale, which is that ... uh ... myself and my tour manager / his luggage was, uh, overweight マネージャーの荷物が重量オーバーだった。/ it was absolutely fine going out 行きは何ともなかったんだよ。/ b__ cake / in a really heavy / home / tapper-ware box in his luggage. So, / his luggage / overweight / can't work it out / anything else / anything in J__ ジャージーでは何も買わなかったし / right / If anything / shampoo / go down / fraction 心あたりがあるとすれば、/ シャンプーだって、行きよりは減ってるはずだろ？ / should be travelling lighter 帰りの荷物は軽くなってるはずだったんだ。 / b__ cake / take it out / right / because / really careful. / So ... / money 荷物の重量オーバーでとられる料金はバカにならないからさ。/ そうそう。本当に気をつけないと。 / hand luggage / fair enough / now that's overweight / I don't know いろいろだよ。/ all / technical equipment for the show / graphic equalizers / stuff like that for the show ラップトップやら、グラフィック・イコライザーやら。/ OK / making our luggage overweight / went / overweight ... place, ... and paid 20 quid. / paid 20 quid for overweight luggage because of that homemade b__ cake / something / something / we paid 20 quid for that home-made b__. / because of that / and have you eaten it? だから機内持ち込み手荷物のほうに移したら、今度はそっちが重量オーバーだよ。 __ ケーキは、買えばいくらだ？ 4 ポンドかそこらだろう？ おれらは、そのケーキのせいで 20 ポンドとられたんだ。/ 美味しかった？/ No.　食ってねー。

let us know / seen / just evidence / have you ... well, just evidence / Santa exists, to dispel the myth that Santa is not real. He is real, kids. サンタは実在しないという迷信を払拭するため、サンタがいるという証拠をお寄せいただきたい。/ He is real, kids. / this show / already / years ago / and somebody says / x-ray in / hospital / "Dear Rhod. Did you see J__ employees / Christmas bonus__ this year / ジャガーの社員のクリスマス・ボーナスはベーコン・サンドイッチだって知ってた？ / a lot of people / be / happy / bonus / at all / bacon / Christmas bonus ボーナスがもらえるだけ有難いと思わなきゃ。/ I realize I shouldn't be whinging there / understand why / this is great / this show / BBC Radio Wales. ... I also understand why breadsource doesn't get / that is the kind of email / Radio Wales / so / get more press / I have to say I empathize with that opinion. / it's / massively under-rated, yeah. 同感だな。ブレッドソースは評価が不当に低いと思う。/ go on / should be / c__y and mustard / well, on the basis / Christmas / other / could use / and it's delicious / look forward to it as the highlight of the meal. / Oh, get off. / Yeah? / Oh, don't be so stupid, Korky 何をバカなことを言ってるんだ？ / breadsource / highlight of Christmass dinner. Sorry, mate. / most look forward to. / I'm sorry, mate / in the front of a Christmas card / right, you / iconic things / lovely plump t__y with / steam coming off / that's / lump of / Christmas card / not the main aspect of the Christmas dinner / tell / because / not the main thing, is it? It's ... it's just not / never say ... do you know what? I like t__y. Do you like t__y? / pigs in blankets / breadsource / look forward to / I just don't believe / for the sake of opinion / just for the sake of it 何か意見が言いたいだけだろ？ / how dare you / how dare you よくもそんなことが言えたものだな。 / I'm asking you / didn't ask / me / more than a t__y, more than / yeah / if you have to choose, / Yeah? / said / a bit low on food / breadsource for me, thanks. / No. I'd go for t__y / obviously. That's a stupid question バカな質問だ。/ stupid thing to say "that's the thing I / look forward to / mean / main course / forward / Christmas / tiny little / cracker / idiot.

Morning, Rhod and Korky. If you are doing Christmas today, does that mean / Christmas songs?" ... No ... 'cause I know what you'll choose / you do that every Christmas for seven years __ __ __ ... Well, no more. / You don't get to play that this Christmas / next week's show / weekend / you haven't ... you haven't got any Christmas opportunity to play / in the car / "Rhod and Korky, the best part of Christmas dinner ..." Oh, yes. This is / picking up / best thing about Christmas dinner / yeah, that and pig in blankets / I don't think / always assumed / bread that's ... that's / freezer that doesn't work / why have you taken / contrary standpoint / great / never tasted it / position of / because, clearly I / A: probably __ __ about it / B: / due lack of / around / what I can do / I can definitively, categorically say that the best thing about Christmas dinner / not / how can you / you haven't tasted it / just not, is it? / on really / on really weak ground / if you can get three people to back you up ... / Yeah? / then I will perform a forf__t / OK. / ... of my choosing. / ... No. ... Of my choosing. / three people / from you, listeners / none / side / pathetic / listeners / genuinely back Korky that breadsource / best / exciting / year / Oh, wow. / OK? Pretty big / shall / christmas / high jeopardy indeed / high / have an hour / honest / because / well / let's put it this way / honest / a bit of a laugh / best / well, you're gonna get / come / booms out / anyway / おまえの説を支持する人間が三人いるなら、おれは罰を受けようじゃないか。/ よかろう。/　罰はおれが考える。/　ちょっと待て。/ more to the point / my / if / three / from / side / pathetic / listeners / genuinely / best / most / forward / year / play / christmas / wow / どんな罰にしようか考えたんだよ。裸で街を走るとか。でもな、それよりもっと過酷な罰を、おれは甘んじて受ける。それは、マライア・キャリーをかけることだ。くれぐれもリスナーに言っておく。面白半分でコーキーの味方をしないでいただきたい。コーキー説の支持者が三人集まったが最期、君たちはマライア・キャリーのあの曲を聴かせられるハメになるのだということを、よくよく肝に銘じてもらいたい。 / honest / talking / quite / quite excited about this

Now then, the big debate / here we go / name for / big debate / that's / is breadsource, as Korky p__ the theory / the most exciting / the most exciting part / christmas / three people to back him up / play his favorite song / "All I want for Christmas" / which is basically / for me, right / Huh huh. / now then, so / something おっと、何か届いたから、間をもたせておいてくれ。... はい、もたせてくれてありがとう / なーに。/ Oh, good fill in there / thank you / hang on / this is on the subject / about / for goodness sake / claiming / kids / touch / radio show / of / don't / for anymore." / know / five-slice toaster / when / when do you think / christmas letter to Father Christmas / did / what else ほかには何をお願いした？/ just that / not greedy, mate. それだけだよ。おれは欲がないから。/ as Korky / breadsource / suggests / if he gets three votes / then we play / all / doesn't get three / don't play / new / maybe / off / some people do think / might not / M__ C__ fans / take / I like / see what I mean / mean / mean / behind Korky / look / ボクの説に賛成ではあってもマライア・キャリーのあの曲は聴きたくない、そういう人もいるかも知れないじゃないか。それが心配だよ。what / I'm really keen / people / great / yeah / consider / Rhod / breadsource / not / not / most / Gilbert / breadsource makes Christmas / cool / nature / perfectly / not the same / no / from A__ / right / don't bother / no point without the video / out / conversation / last / everything / god, I knew this / breadsource / odds / closing track / career / roller / here comes the / No. / Korky is right / so wrong / breadsource / food / god / best / we / called Jill / there / go / one / come on. Come on. You know it. / escape / Poseidon__ Adventure / against / anti / merry / sprouts / covered / I never tried it / doesn't / best / sound / grow up. Taste it. / "Hi, Rhod. / play / needs a comma in there. ... It's M__ B__ / all / doing / name / who / breadsource / really / showbiz 君ねえ、ショービジネスで成功したいなら、その名前は変えたほうがいいよ。/ what about K__? / source / please / play / comma ... breadsource is awful / more / two / awful / happy / for / rubbish / as / at the moment / breadsource / just not appealing / scary / five-two / tasted / opinion / can / not / can / because I think it's fair to say / breadsource / never / bothered / tased / done / done / can / no / perfectly valid / suspicion / nice / said / the most exciting / ask / disagree / somebody / never tried / obviously / best / when / over my head / for / most exciting / for / tried / exciting / tried it otherwise / idea of doing it / bzzz / out / game

absurd / most exciting part of Christmas dinner / clearly / never / it doesn't matter / all / say / irrelevant / if you get three / then / is / play / christmas / not / for / favorite / god / uh / if I win / get / famous / shaky song / I'm on your side, Korky / what / loads / coming / do / in / says / "Hello guys / source / presumably / typo / surprised / come / read / out / can't believe / this / five / out / on / used / every / lovely / M__ / pregnant / breadsource / it / remember / middle / that's / have / all / Sunday / it's delicious / said / most / three / more / three-year old / cheating / three / whatever / nothing / bring / Korky / literally wouldn't / without / good / good / for / "This is / honest text / support / this / honest / strangely / exact / earlier / exciting / work / breadsource / definitely / I look forward most / unfortunately / was / problem / reaction / this:

I don't want / for Christmas / just / one / need / I don't care / about /

stand / rule / off / gone. That's it. / stand / play / played / enough / do you understand / breadsource / yes / I / down / wrong / beauty is / next / sh / bz /

if you enjoyed / whole / live / bbc / 11 till 1.